measuring complicity

I want to be able to make the right decisions for my students. I want to be able to encourage them to learn. Instead I am complicit in a system of measure that tells kids their worth(lessness) and discourages so many of them. Anything to sort and justify and legitimize. I want to be able to use the system – in that it is free and provided, but I also want to be able to get rid of its underlying idea of standardization. Why crank out more automatons? I want students to actually learn to learn. Instead, we teach them to be spoonfed and school is like one step “better” than tv (but much less entertaining).
I want to spend time with my family. I want a relief from the work (soon…). I want that daily debilitating migraine in my head to stop. I want to stop time and see it all. I want to stop life’s march to death. I want real communion. I want to be less lonely. So many people and I feel so distant.